Attack on Pranks
by x.Fantasy.Is.My.Reality.x
Summary: The Scouting Regiment is not always what it seems to be.
1. The First Task

"May I be the first to welcome you into the Scouting Regiment!" Erwin smiled, opening his arms to the new recruits, Eren included, in the dining hall after his speech.

They cheered, letting out loud whoops and whistles, before the Commander finally calmed them down.

"Now, I know quite a few of you have heard from the Senior Officers that we have some hazing rituals, and I am here to confirm that we do not." The teenagers let out a sigh of relief. "But," Erwin's eyes glinted mysteriously, and they began to grow nervous once more.

"Me and Hanji," he indicated the crazy scientist next to him. "Do have a test for you."

He let his words sink in as they began to whisper anxiously.

"Eren what does that mean?" Armin squeaked.

"I don't know! They never told me anything!"

"But you've been here the longest!" Mikasa said.

"Yeah but-"

"Now I know you're all wondering what this 'test' is going to be. Well, let's just say that this is supposed to test your ability to escape almost certain death…." The blond man interrupted a slight grin gracing his face. Hanji looked ecstatic behind him, making Eren all the more nervous. She quickly opened the door, peeked out, and the shut it, giving Erwin a thumbs up.

"Uh oh," Reiner muttered as Bertholdt visibly gulped.

"And now, your first task as new recruits is…..."

They all leaned forward in anticipation.

"To continuously knock on Corporal Levi's door at 4:30 A.M. By the way, his door is right next to mine, with his name on it. Whoever gets caught will not get saved. Good luck."

Since they were still very new, few of them had actually met the short man in person. Eren and Armin however, blanched while Mikasa smirked.

"Oh that doesn't sound too bad!" Connie said happily.

"Yeah I thought he was going to make us jump in a lake tied to bricks or run naked in the forest or something stupid!" Jean laughed.

"You fools!" Eren shouted, his green eyes blown wide and sweat streaming down his face. "You've never even met him! If only Commander Erwin gave us an easy task like that horse-face!"

"What's the big deal Titan boy?" Ymir grumbled. "It could have been worse."

"No it couldn't! He'll literally impale you with a mop or force-feed you cleaning fluid! You'll all see for yourselves tonight!" Armin pulled Eren off the table.

"Commander Erwin's still watching." His friend whispered in his ear.

Erwin was doing his best not to burst out laughing while Hanji was rolling around on the ground, not even trying to hide her amusement. They have no idea what they've got into.

"So when should we meet up?" Sasha mumbled through a potato that she had snatched from the kitchen.

"How about at around 3:00 A.M. in the morning tonight, outside of the dining hall?" Marco asked.

Everybody agreed, and thus all the boys were dragged complaining out of their bunks. It was especially difficult to pull Eren and Armin out of bed, understandably after being kicked like 18 times in the face by the Captain, and watching it happen from the sidelines. Reiner and Jean had to pry Eren's hands off the bedpost while Connie pulled his legs, though Armin was a bit weaker and more compliant, saving them a bit of trouble. Unfortunately, the moment they had pried the Titan-shifter off his bed he bolted for the door, but luckily tripped over Armin smashing his head into the floor and Reiner was able to tackle him to the ground.

The girls, on the other hand, didn't seem to be having the same problem getting out of bed. They had never seen Mikasa so happy in their entire lives, it was almost creepy.

Quietly, all the new cadets tiptoed down the halls towards their meeting location. By the time they had all arrived, nearly an hour had passed.

"What the Hell took you guys so long?!" Ymir demanded angrily when the boys finally made it there.

Most of them just glared at Eren while he rubbed his head sheepishly.

"What? You'd be nervous too is Corporal Levi kicked you in the face like 500 times in front of a crowd!" He retorted.

"And now we can get revenge!" Mikasa said gleefully, a glint in her eye that pushed all the boys back a good five feet.

"Aside from that…." Christa tried to diverge the subject. "What's the plan?"

"Well maybe we could go one by one and do it." Bertholdt suggested.

"Will Commander Erwin actually be watching?"

"He said his room is right next to the Captain's, so he will probably know whether or not we actually did it."

"What's the punishment for not doing it?" Eren asked.

"Are you scared Eren?" Jean taunted. "It's just a little prank."

If there was anything Eren hated, it was losing to that stupid horse. "Fine! I'll do it!" He hissed.

"That's the spirit! Now who's going first and how are we going to do this?"

"Armin!" Someone shouted, and the blond-haired boy sighed.

"Why is it always me?"

"Because you're smart that's why! And least likely to screw this up! Now what should we do?"

"Okay fine. First we should find an order for who goes first and then determine hiding spots."

"There's plenty of rooms near his office, so it shouldn't be a problem," Mikasa added. "Let's just see what happens."

They watched the time ticking apprehensively until it was five minutes before the beginning of the operation. Jean had been elected to go first after a competitive game of rock-paper-scissors with Eren, to which he had obviously lost.

"Dammit why do I have to go first," he grouched as he crept towards Levi's closed door. Hopefully, he was asleep, but he never slept for more than three hours a night, which Jean didn't know. Maybe that why he was a bit noisier than he should have been when approaching the door. The moment that he had gotten five feet away from the door Levi was instantly aware of somebody outside his room and pulled out his blades. It didn't matter that he wasn't asleep, it was just who had the balls to walk outside his room at _4:30_ in the fucking morning.

Unbeknownst to them, Erwin and Hanji had their ears pressed up against the walls listening intently to the whole ordeal. Sucking up a breath and puffing out his chest, Jean looked at his friends hiding around the corner and then back at the door, finally raising a hand to knock. He rammed on the door like a madman for a couple of seconds and instantely sprinted off down the opposite hallway, which was just as well since Levi immediately slammed open the door and gave chase, still in his uniform and ODM gear. He looked even more terrifying as his black hair whipped across his face and his blades flashed like deadly shards of ice in the moonlight. If Titans could shit themselves, then they would probably all get severe diarrhea when they saw Lance Corporal Levi charging at them.

"Get back here you shitty brat!" He screeched as he moved at such a pace that a man of his stature should never be able to obtain. Levi nearly flew down the halls after the terrified cadet, who was shrieking so loud that a few of the sleepy and disoriented officers poked their heads out to complain.

"THEY MADE MEEEE!" They heard him shout as their footsteps began to fade. Then there was only silence.

"Hey do you thin-"

A high-pitched scream cut through the air. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! NONONONONONO…."

A loud crash and clanging were soon heard afterward followed by a loud thudding noise which could only be Jean.

" **I'LL TEACH YOU FUCKING IDIOTS TO PLAY A PRANK ON ME AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING YOU BITCH-ASS LITTLE MOTHERFUCKERS-** " They all shrank back in terror as they heard the small yet furious man rant like a banshee on crack.

 _Oh shit_ , Eren thought as the dread in his stomach crystalized into a hard ball of fear and suspense. _I'm next._


	2. Keep Running

They didn't see Jean for the rest of the night. Presumably, he was probably cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush, as Levi had the tendency to force new recruits to do if they even put a hair out of line. Eren shuddered as he remembered the awful memory of scrubbing the entire castle down with tiny sanitary wipes the size of his palm. His arms had been sore for over a month.

Speaking of which, he would probably get worse this time as he watched the furious midget storm back into his room, slamming the door so hard it was a wonder it wasn't torn off its hinges. After waiting for about five minutes, the other cadets began to get restless.

"Come on Eren! It's been five minutes!" Connie grumbled, giving him a little shove towards the Captain's closed door. Light seeped through the crack, and it was at that moment Eren knew he was fucked.

"Guys-" The brown-haired boy gulped.

"Just get it over with," Reiner urged, and Ymir shooed him away with a hand.

He was sweating like a faucet as he turned towards the doorway, which at that moment looked much more like the gates of Hell than anything else. _Oh fuck he's going to beat me up and ground me into horse feed…I'd rather get eaten by a Titan!_

Sluggishly, he took one slow step at a time, drawing inevitably closer to his doom. His feet felt like cement as he stood gazing at the name plaque on the door, vivid images of brooms, rags, and dusters flashing across his mind. Eren stood there for what felt like an hour but was actually only a couple minutes, petrified with fear. Someone groaned from behind the corner, and a shoe hit him in the back of the head, thumping onto the floor. The sound echoed eerily down the silent hallway, and suddenly the pacing behind the closed door stopped.

The teenage boy could feel all the courage and testosterone inside his body shrivel up and die, much like he was about to. _Goodbye cruel world._

The doorknob turned agonizingly slow, and the creaked open to show only a single, murderous, grey eye staring deep into his soul. It felt like Levi was prying open his brain to see all the embarrassing memories he had ever experienced in his entire life, like that one time when he was eight and his pants got caught on a tree branch as he was jumping down, ripping it and forcing him to sprint back home butt-naked for all the world to see. Or that other time he tripped and fell into the swamp, where he pissed himself while waiting for someone to find him. It wouldn't be far-fetched to assume that the short-tempered soldier fed off of the fear and tears of naughty children.

Despite the very visible height difference, it felt as though he towered over the terrified boy. Maybe Levi was being raised up by the sheer force of his anger and bitterness. They stared at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time, and Eren nearly passed out right there and then. The rest of his friends watched in silence as they waited for the explosion sure to follow soon afterward. Meanwhile, the Commander and the Scientist were still eavesdropping on the situation outside.

Finally, Levi broke his gaze. "You have three seconds," the Captain whispered sinisterly, so softly that Eren could barely hear it.

He didn't waste a single second, running so fast that he was nothing but a brown blur. Eren let out a very unmanly shriek along the way, much like Jean.

"3….2…..1."

And Levi shot off like a rocket after him, hot on his trail, swearing up a storm just like before. It was enough to make even a sailor blush.

"Damn, I didn't know Eren could run like that," Connie guffawed once they were out of earshot.

Sasha was rolling around on the floor, for once her food forgotten. "I can't breathe!"

"Oh my God!"

"That was great!"

Like everyone within a one-mile radius, both Erwin and Hange had both heard whom they assumed to be Eren and were busy having near aneurysms as they tried to hold down their laughter.

Eren however, was not having such a great time. He swerved down the halls, completely randomly, as he could hear Levi's footsteps rapidly approaching. _How the fuck was he so fast? He doesn't even need a horse at this rate!_

"Captain Levi I swear I wasn't going to do anything! I was just passing by!" Eren lied futilely, as he continued to weave around the castle.

"Like Hell you were bitch! I could hear your little friends from miles away! Don't give me that bullshit!" Levi made a swipe at Eren's back, missing him only by a couple inches. Eren let out another terrified screech, which sounded more like a dying cat than a human.

The doors of the dining hall were thrown wide open, and the two charged in. Eren leaped over the tables the best he could, heading for the double windows at the end of the hall. Like Levi, he was wearing his ODM gear. A sudden chair crashed against the table, narrowly missing his legs and to his horror, he realized that the lithe man was tossing furniture at him. Somehow, he was able to make it across the entire massive room without being hit by anything that his superior hurled at him, which only enhanced Levi's frustration. _When I get my hands on that fucking dumbass…_

Oh, he could already imagine all the horrors that were in store for Eren. He chuckled evilly to himself, the sound not lost on Eren. He was so fucked.

The teenager threw the windows open, not even pausing before flopping like a fish out into the air and randomly shooting out his hooks, hoping that it would catch onto something. Thankfully, there were trees nearby but even death would have been preferable to being caught by the alternate-universe Napoleon. A whoosh of air behind him followed by lots of swearing alerted him to the Captain's proximity, which was horribly close. He turned back to look, his brown hair blowing back into his face. In that moment Eren felt himself collide into something solid with a loud splat, jarring him so hard that he was unable to do anything except free fall backward, as graceful as a wet shit a bird just took in midflight.

"FUCK!" Levi swore loudly as he swerved sharply to dive for Eren, managing to catch him just before he hit the ground, where they ended up tumbling together in a heap of limbs. Levi made sure to let the boy take most of the fall since he would heal in no time flat either way. Good, because he would need it after Levi was done with him.

"Wake up you little bitch," Levi shook him roughly, but the only reaction Eren gave was mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "Titans". Of course.

Rolling his eyes, Levi yelled into his ear. "Jaeger! Incoming Titans!"

It was as if he had been released from a spell, immediately shooting up and drawing his blades, nearing hitting himself in the face with them overenthusiastically. "WHERE?! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!" He looked around frantically like a madman and Levi took a step back to avoid his swinging blades.

"Calm the fuck down brat! There's no Titans!"

"What? No Titans?" Eren looked around puzzled. "But-"

"You're going to wish there were by the time I'm through with you, you piece of shit."

The cadets from the 104th could later hear the sound of furious scrubbing coming from the bathroom for the rest of the night and continued to hear them for the rest of three months, every night at exactly 4:30 in the morning.

Though most of them were preoccupied with the rest of their chores.

Connie's turn came directly after Eren's, whose confidence seemed completely disappear after hearing his friend's hollering. They had witnessed the whole thing through the window and had watched as the clean freak dragged a kicking Eren back into the castle by the hair muttering a colorful array of words that would earn any regular person a mouth full of soap, but if one even attempted to shove a piece of soap in Levi's mouth they would find it up their ass the next morning accompanied by bad constipation and anal pain.

After nearly half an hour, he finally returned to his room, ready to claim his next victim. Connie wasn't even able to make it down the hall, where he stumbled on air and collapsed onto his face begging for mercy. To give him credit, Erwin had never met anyone who had the balls to outright tell Levi that he was "a handsome and kind guy that is basically the God of the human race" to try and get out of a punishment. Stable duty for two months.

Marco had gone up and knocked politely, not even bothering to run away. After seeing how fast Levi could run, he had just accepted his inevitable death. He was just too paralyzed by fear and stood there staring off into space a foot above Levi's head, which he didn't appreciate, judging by the hard kick in the shins he received, along with a month of cleaning all the dishes after dinner every night.

Bertholdt was able to make it a bit farther than Connie did, stopped by one of the older scouts accidentally opening the door hard right in front of his face, knocking him out cold. Olou, who had been brought out by the commotion, immediately disappeared back into his room when he saw Levi approaching, a look of murder painted across his face. Fortunately for the unconscious recruit, he was unable to see it, but would probably suffer a horrible headache for a couple of days.

Next came Reiner, who made it nearly as far as Eren did except for choosing the wrong hall and being cornered by a dead end. He did try to escape by jumping over the short corporal, who was tempted to jab him in the groin but fortunately didn't, and almost made it if Levi hadn't tripped him at the last moment. No one had ever heard him scream that loud. Hell, no one had ever heard him even scream before, as he always seemed so serious. For his stunt, he received a month of doing all of Survey Corps' laundry.

Armin was last of the boys. Tiptoeing to the door, he raised a shaking hand to knock, swaying dangerously on his feet. _What's wrong with me? I've seen people get devoured by Titans!_ A sudden image of Levi soaring through the air and effortlessly slashing open two Titans at once flashed through his head, and that's when he realized why Captain Levi was still alive. Because _he's_ scarier than Titans. Mustering every ounce of courage that his tiny body possessed, he gave one meek knock and shot off, not even turning to see whether or not Levi was giving chase. Apparently, he was getting sick of chasing after teenagers, because he had a heavy book in hand and was waiting for the next person to knock on his door so he could chuck it at them. And he did. Albeit a little bit to eagerly, hitting Armin so hard in the head that he landed on his face, blood gushing out of his nose upon contact with the floor. Luckily for Armin, it wasn't broken, and he was able to only get three weeks of window scrubbing in exchange for a bloody nose.

After the boys had all gone and some were off doing their chores, it was the girls' turns.

And no one was more eager than Mikasa.


	3. How it All Started

It was now 6:00 in the morning and the sun had barely begun to rise over the horizon, tinting the sky a gentle orange.

"Hey guys, do I really have to do this?" Sasha whimpered, as the other girls pushed her forward. "I'm not the fastest runner."

"Yeah you do Potato Girl," Ymir replied. "Haven't you seen Commander Erwin watching?"

He and Hange had occasionally been peeking their heads out the door, checking up on them after every runner.

"Hurry up so I can have my turn!" Mikasa urged.

"What? Then why don't you go first?" Sasha grumbled. "You're the fastest out of all of us! You could probably tire each other out and make it easier for us!"

"We already agreed that no one wants to wait for Mikasa to mess with the Captain because that would take too long. Besides, it's much more entertaining this way."

"Can we please just get this over with?" Christa begged.

"Okay okay." Sasha finally conceded and crept towards the door. The rest of the girls all held their breath, waiting for the beast to emerge out of its lair. She knocked three times before flying down the hall, Levi barging out the room after her.

"YOU BRATS ARE DEAD!" He bellowed, using his grappling hooks to propel himself forward. He made a wild grab for her shirt, but Sasha was able to slip through his fingers by a couple of millimeters and turned a corner where they couldn't see anymore.

"She's most likely heading for the kitchen," Ymir grinned.

And she did, swiping a soft loaf bread on the way in and hiding in the pantry. Levi rolled his eyes as he arrived, knowing that the girl would be hiding in one of the pantries or cupboards. He had heard the story of her first day with Shadis from Erwin and had noticed her inhaling any piece of food she could reach during the Opening Feast.

Sasha could hear him approaching closer and closer but was too preoccupied with all the delicious food reserved specifically reserved for the officers to care.

"Stupid recruit," Levi muttered. He could hear her eating sloppily a couple feet away and he stormed over, yanking open the door a bit too violently, tearing it off the door frame.

"Goddammit!"

A shriek immediately blasted the Corporal's eardrums and grabbed her by the collar, roughly tossing her out.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He shouted over her screaming, which didn't cease to deafen him.

His eye twitched dangerously. "Shut up!" He grabbed the food out of her hand and she finally stopped, and then had the audacity to try and wrestle it back. His gray eyes widened when Sasha tugged back at the surprisingly tough piece of bread, which crumbled and tore in their hands. She was flung back while Levi stood there in shock.

He quickly shook himself out of his stupor and advanced on the now terrified girl, who began trying to bribe him with food that she didn't even have.

"I'll give you half of everything on my plate tomorrow!"

"You little shits have some balls!" Levi dragged her back kicking and howling by the hair, where she subsequently received a month without dinner.

Letting out a loud huff the short man stomped back into his room, close to where the other girls were waiting for their turns. He plopped down in his chair and rubbed his temples, mentally counting off all the cadets that he had already caught. Originally, he had thought it was just the boys who had collaborated to keep him up all night, but with the arrival of Sasha, he wasn't so sure anymore. Now, Levi was pretty sure it had something to do with Hange and Erwin, the latter who most people wrongly suspected to be calm and boring. Once, all his cravats had all disappeared, and he had thought Hange was the culprit, except she had been out the entire day with Moblit observing Titans. His cravats were later returned to his dresser dyed a light salmon pink, and Levi had been absolutely livid, interrogating everyone in the castle and scaring all his comrades back to a one hundred feet radius. In the end, he never found out who did it, but had a nagging suspicion that it was the Commander, who was the only who had a key to his room and also the only one he couldn't impulsively strangle and toss of the roof in a body bag.

He was pulled out of that horrible memory by _another_ knock on the door, and this time it was Christa. She let out a light squeal when she saw him and took off down the hall, Levi following closely behind. Another pair of footsteps joined the chase and he looked back to see a tall, girl with freckles chasing heatedly after them.

"Christa!" Ymir shouted. "Don't you dare touch her!"

"Ymir!"

 _Oh right,_ Levi scoffed. As he recalled, Ymir or whatever her name was, clung onto Christa like a burr the entire time during the feast and warded off any boys who dared come within five feet of the blonde.

"Go back Ymir! It's not your turn yet!" Christa tried to shoo her back, still running.

The Corporal stopped cold in his tracks at those words, and Ymir couldn't stop in time, ramming into his back and bowling him over.

"Oh no Ymir!" Christa turned back to catch her taller friend as Levi violently flung her away from him.

"What is this about a turn?" Levi snarled, and from behind the wall Erwin and Hange began to fidget nervously. _Oh balls if he finds out he'll probably slit our throats in our sleep and then burn our corpses and feed the ashes to the Titans!_ They looked at each other anxiously.

Erwin was pretty certain that he was the main suspect on Levi's list of people who dyed his cravats pink, since the cleaning obsessed Captain glared daggers at him for the rest of the month whenever they happened to meet in the halls. Also, not even a week after the prank on humanity's strongest, Levi had passive aggressively spilled ink all over the Commander's shirt, staining it black. And no matter how hard he tried, Erwin just couldn't seem to get it out, making him almost certain that Levi had made it himself for that sole purpose as the ink he always ordered was washable. Then, his subordinate had put blue powder in the showerhead so that when Erwin turned on the water it came out a dark blue that stayed in his eyebrows and hair for about four days. Levi had actually laughed when he heard Erwin's surprised yelps from inside the bathroom as he listened in, and to top it all off he was so startled that he had run out completely naked smacking right into Gunther who was passing by, ending up on top of him. As if the embarrassment of falling onto his comrade as nude as the day he was born wasn't enough, Eld was there to witness the whole thing.

All three of them refused to make eye contact for a week, and Levi wasn't even mad about the blue water the Commander trailed all over the place when he had stumbled out of the shower.

And since Erwin didn't have any official evidence on whether or not Levi was the real culprit, the blond man could only seethe silently at the smug look on the Corporal's face every time they sat together. So, consider this payback.

And the mad scientist next to Erwin wasn't on Levi's good side either. Two days ago, she had carelessly tracked mud and rain all over the entire freshly mopped castle and then later accidentally poured a kettle of his favorite tea all over his head when she tripped on her own boot. (And then cracked a joke about his height as she sprinted away to try and diffuse the tension, which obviously didn't work very well.)

"Should we bar the door?" Hange whispered.

"No, if we do that then we might as well tape a sign on our foreheads that say, 'We put the recruits up to it.' Just keep watching for now," Erwin exhaled.

Outside, Levi continued to try and pry information out of the two girls, who seemed to have now clamped their mouths shut. After about twenty minutes of threats and cursing with no advancement whatsoever, they were sent back to their barracks with two months of bathroom duty while Levi trudged back to his room.

If he remembered correctly, there was still one more recruit left…


	4. Showdown

Mikasa waited impatiently for Christa and Ymir to finally leave and for Levi to return. Now, she could finally get her revenge for that day in court. She clenched her fists as the famous Titan-killer closed his door, before confidently stalking up to it and pounding a fist against it.

Unlike the others, she refused to cower in the face of a death more gruesome than anything the Titans could come up with. The black-haired girl tensed in anticipation, but there was no movement behind the door. Frowning, she tried again, with the same result. _You're kidding me! He can't have gotten tired already!_

 _Or if he's purposefully ignoring me…_ she growled aggressively, a sound not lost on Levi.

The Captain knew who was last and was tempted to ignore her completely. _I don't have time for her petty bullshit._

Levi had seen the way she had looked at him during the court session and had no doubts that it would have gotten ugly if the small blond boy hadn't stopped her. But from the way the door was creaking on its hinges, Mikasa would probably break the door into a thousand pieces if he didn't open it.

"Ugh!" He groaned as he got up and grasped the door handle, preparing for the worst. The knocking had finally stopped, and it was all quiet. Slowly, he turned the doorknob, his other hand gripping his sword handle tightly. You never know what those crazy cadets would do, especially after all those interesting stunts they pulled in the last few hours. He had barely opened it a centimeter before it was blown wide open, smashing into the wall. The screws popped off and clattered to the floor. Unfortunately, at least to Mikasa, Levi had managed to dodge it and was about to throw one of his blades at her but she was gone, flying down the hall.

 _What the Hell?_

The Captain frowned in confusion as she sprinted gracefully away; he had honestly thought she was going to come into the room and attack him. He shook his head and chased after her, weaving through the hallways until he followed her through the door to the entrance of the castle, where she stood waiting on the other side in the middle of the courtyard.

Hearing the commotion, Erwin and Hange followed the noise to the window, where they could see Levi and Mikasa trying to glare the other down.

"Hey look!" Connie called out to Bertholdt, being the first to notice. "Go get the others! They won't want to miss this!" Bertholdt nodded and ran off to gather the others, where they watched through a window on the second floor, not too far from where Erwin and Hange were. They stuck their heads out and climbed over each other to try to get a better look from the one window, forming a massive pile of bodies. Reiner, thankfully for everyone else, was stacked on the bottom, next to Bertholdt who had begun to sweat like a faucet. Then Jean and Eren were squished next to each other, nearly standing on top of the two on the bottom, trying to shove the other out of the way for a better view. On top, Connie and Armin were struggling to not fall as the boys on the bottom staggered because of Jean and Eren's bickering.

"Hey move over horse face " Eren growled, shoving him into the wooden frame.

"No! Why don't you asshole?" He accidentally squished Reiner's face into the window sill, while Armin squeaked as Eren began to wriggle around.

"Can we not do this right now?" Connie yelped as he nearly fell off, clinging onto the curtain, which began to rip.

"Ugh you're such a bitch!"

"Big talk coming from you Jeanie boy!"

"Come on guys!" Bertholdt whimpered as Jean's foot struck him in the head.

All the ruckus drew the attention of the girls, who were trying to sleep in their own rooms.

"Are you kidding me?" Ymir grumbled angrily as their shouts echoed down the hall. "What the Hell are they even doing at this time of the night?"

"Maybe we should go investigate," Christa suggested.

"Fine by me if it'll make them shut up." Ymir sighed.

"Where's Mikasa?" Sasha asked, emerging from her own bed.

"Who knows? Probably going at Corporal Shorty or something."

They followed the boys' voices down the hall, where they found a scene of complete chaos. Eren was hanging out the window by his fingertips, kicking against the castle and screaming bloody murder while Reiner and Armin tried to fish him back in. Bertholdt was laying on the ground with a large bruise on his face, spread-out like a giant rug while Connie and Jean, the latter whose shirt was half ripped, were arguing in the corner. Most of them were only half dressed or in their underwear. The girls gawked at the spectacle in front of them, but the males didn't even seem to notice.

"Armin pull!" Reiner urged, half his body hanging out the window giving the girls a full view of his ass. _Well that's something I never want to see again_ , Ymir mentally groaned.

"I'm trying!" Armin squealed back, nearly joining his friend dangling from the window. The poor boy was trying his hardest, leaning on the tips of his toes and sweating so much that he rivaled Bertholdt, who was still clutching his face on the ground. But there was only so much you could do when your arms were as thick of strands of spaghetti.

"Don't step on me!" Connie's foot landed right where the gentle giant's head was, but luckily, Bertholdt was able to dodge in time. "Watch out!"

"Sorry big guy but some horse-faced asshole is trying to kill me!" Connie glared out Jean.

"Big talk coming from you cue ball!" He retorted, taking another wild swing.

"Don't you dare drop me!" They heard the Titan-shifter's scream coming from by the window.

"You know what let's just go back to sleep," Ymir whispered. "They're all insane."

"Agreed."

They tiptoed back into their rooms, oblivious to the storm that was about to blow.

"What do you want?" Levi asked, his eyes narrowed as they circled each other like sharks. He already knew the answer.

"Revenge for that day in court," Mikasa snarled. " _You_ should remember."

He scoffed, only angering Mikasa further. "You're too attached to that idiot for your own good, it's really a shame."

Hange and Erwin watched in trepidation as two of the strongest members of the Scouting Regiment were about to pounce on each other.

"This is gonna be amazing!" Hange squealed, while Erwin watched silently, though he too was anxious to see what would happen.

Mikasa lunged with a fist at Levi, who twisted out of the way to grab her arm. They had no doubts in their minds that the force behind Mikasa's punch would have been enough to knock out a wild raging tiger. Levi let go and she retaliated by swiping at his head, missing by an inch. He ducked and threw her over his shoulder by the arm, flinging her a good twenty feet away from him but Mikasa twirled midair and landed on her feet.

"That's it!" She roared, going berserk and charging at him. Levi met her halfway, where they clenched hands and began pushing each other, trying to make the other one back down first.

"I'm not losing to you!" She snarled, veins popping out her forehead. Any normal person's bones would have been instantly crushed by the force between their hands, but neither of them was normal by any standards.

"Oh, is that so?' Levi mocked coolly. Faster than a blink of the eye, he swept her legs out from under her and forced her down onto the ground. "You become reckless when you're angry. And besides," he narrowed his calm gray eyes. "You might be strong, but I'm still Humanity's Strongest."

No matter how she thrashed, Mikasa couldn't break free of his iron grip.

Levi raised a fist high above her head, and she struggled harder than ever, her heels gouging deep scars into the ground.

"Go. To. Hell!" Mikasa groundout. The Commander and Hange held their unconsciously held their breaths in anticipation, and the air seemed to still as they waited for the finishing blow.

"HELP!" A screech suddenly pierced the air like a bullet, distracting them from their fight. Both Ackermans snapped their heads around to find Eren's hand gradually slipping out of Reiner's as the blond boy tried desperately to hold the weight of both Eren and Armin, who had also tipped out the window. Bertholdt was desperately reaching out for his other hand, but both Levi and Mikasa could tell that he wouldn't make it in time.

They separated, and both began sprinting towards the window, blades of grass flying through the air underneath their boots.

"Hold on Eren!" Mikasa shouted.

"Damn shitheads!" Levi cursed, only a couple meters away.

Eren's hand slipped, and then everyone was screaming. Hange from a couple rooms over, leaning so far out the window that Erwin had to pull her back so that she didn't join them, and Bertholdt, Reiner, Armin, Eren, Jean, and Connie creating a harmony of horrible teenage shrieking. Least to say, no one in the castle was asleep anymore.

Mikasa tumbled to the ground with Eren in her arms, though it took a couple seconds longer for him to stop yelling like had seen a titan taking a shit on his house.

Levi caught Armin a little more gracefully, immediately dropping him like a sack of potatoes and leaving the terrified boy to crawl away uttering a small thanks.

"Ugh!" Levi huffed, shoving a finger in his ear. "They should really push up the recruitment age up a couple years, so I don't have to deal with your horrible pubescent voices."

After the three were reunited in a huddle on the ground, Levi turned on them, a dangerous glint smoldering in his eyes. Eren swore he saw the tortured ghosts of the other countless recruits that the Captain had probably forced to scrub the floors until they died, burning in a Hell full of fiery brooms and boiling laundry detergent.

"Now," Levi said slowly, and Armin could feel his soul withering up and dying inside of him. On the second floor, all the boys shrunk back out of sight. "What shall your punishment be?"

For the next couple of days, all the girls excluding Mikasa could hear was the sound of furious scrubbing throughout the halls, day in day out. And the occasional sob and cuss word that they whispered when they thought no one was looking.

Not too surprisingly, Levi figured out who was responsible for unleashing a bunch of slobbering teenagers upon him at 4:00 in the morning, and least to say, he got his revenge. Erwin now had no eyebrows and all of Hange's equipment had mysteriously disappeared, sending both of them into hysterics.

"Uh are those draw on eyebrows?" Sasha whispered to her friends in the dining hall two days after the incident.

"Yes," Levi replied coyly as he waltzed by, a small smirk on his face.

Life was always interesting in the Survey Corps.


End file.
